Why are we still arguing?

By Helene Waters

It’s two-thirty in the morning.

Which means, naturally, my brain has decided that instead of sleeping like a responsible adult, tonight’s topic should be…

Religion versus spirituality.

Because apparently insomnia wasn’t enough.

It probably didn’t help that someone recently told me, ‘That belongs in a blog.’”

We’ve all encountered the debate.

Which is better?

Religion?

Or spirituality?

My answer?

Neither.

And…

Both.

I’ve often heard the saying:

“Religion is for people who are afraid of hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there.”

It’s one of those quotes that gets shared endlessly across social media, usually over a sunset or a mountain with suspiciously good lighting.

It’s clever.

It certainly packs a punch.

But I don’t think it’s entirely true.

Because I’ve met deeply religious people whose faith radiates kindness.

I’ve met Christians who would give you the shirt off their back.

I’ve met witches who would too.

I’ve also met complete arseholes from both camps.

Which rather suggests the problem isn’t belief.

It’s people.

People… and opinions… as always, complicate absolutely everything.

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The problem isn’t belief

The problem isn’t religion.

The problem isn’t spirituality.

The problem begins the moment any one of us becomes convinced we’ve cornered the market on truth.

The moment we stop being curious and start being certain…

We’ve usually stopped listening.

History is littered with examples of people committing extraordinary acts of cruelty while being utterly convinced they were doing the right thing.

Wars.

Persecution.

Colonisation.

Burnings.

Executions.

Families torn apart.

Communities divided.

All because somebody believed:

“Only my path counts.”

Ironically, most belief systems teach humility.

It’s the followers who occasionally miss the lesson.

Because…

Opinions… Minions without funny blue overalls.

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What if we’ve all been carrying pieces of the same puzzle?

Here’s what fascinates me.

Almost every belief system contains something profoundly beautiful.

Christianity teaches forgiveness.

Judaism teaches perseverance and wrestling honestly with difficult questions.

Islam teaches generosity, discipline and charity.

Hinduism reminds us that everything is interconnected.

Many Indigenous belief systems teach respect for the earth and our place within it rather than above it.

Humanism reminds us that kindness doesn’t require supernatural permission.

Even atheism often contributes something invaluable:

Question everything.

Don’t simply accept because somebody told you to.

That isn’t disrespect.

That’s intellectual honesty.

Then there’s Buddhism… which refuses to sit neatly in either camp. Some call it a religion. Others call it a philosophy. Others simply call it a way of living. Labels aside, its teachings on mindfulness, compassion, and reducing suffering have helped millions of people live kinder, calmer lives.

Imagine if we stopped trying to prove whose religion was correct…

…and simply started collecting the best parts from all of them.

Compassion.

Humility.

Accountability.

Forgiveness.

Wonder.

Curiosity.

Gratitude.

Generosity.

Service.

Respect.

Personal responsibility.

Mash all of that together.

Now that sounds like something worth believing in.

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Fear makes terrible theology

I’ve noticed something else.

Some people stay in a religion because they genuinely find peace there.

Wonderful.

Others stay because they’re terrified of leaving.

Those are two very different motivations.

Fear has a remarkable ability to disguise itself as faith.

So does certainty.

The older I get, the less interested I become in people who have every answer.

I’m far more interested in the people willing to say:

“I don’t know.”

There’s extraordinary freedom in those three words.

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Maybe God isn’t keeping score

Here’s a thought.

What if God, however you understand God, isn’t standing at the gates ticking denominational boxes?

“What church did you attend?”

“How many incense sticks did you burn?”

“Did you meditate enough?”

“Wrong crystal. Off you pop.”

It all sounds faintly ridiculous when you say it out loud.

Perhaps what matters isn’t the label we wear.

Perhaps what matters is how we treated people.

Were we kind?

Were we honest?

Did we help when we could?

Did we apologise when we got it wrong?

Did we leave people feeling more seen than judged?

I’d like to think those questions matter far more than whether I faced east, west, or accidentally towards the kettle.

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A final thought

I’m not interested in converting anyone.

Believe what brings you peace.

Question what no longer serves you.

Challenge ideas.

Remain curious.

Remain humble.

Because certainty has started more arguments than curiosity ever has.

Maybe we’ve spent centuries arguing over which road leads to the destination…

…without noticing that many of us are simply taking different routes towards the same horizon.

And perhaps that’s enough.

After all…

If your beliefs make you kinder, more compassionate, more honest and more loving…

Then they’re probably doing exactly what they were supposed to do.

The rest…

Well?

That’s your piece to find.